


Silence

by MoonwalkingCrab



Series: Stepping Stones [1]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Caduceus Clay Also Deserves Nice Things, Caleb Widogast Deserves Nice Things, Cuddles, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Reading Together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-28 13:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,444
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17788535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonwalkingCrab/pseuds/MoonwalkingCrab
Summary: The night is long and Caleb's mind is never quiet, luckily, he's not the only one who can't sleep.





	Silence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Cylin](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cylin/gifts).



The nights have never been quiet for Caleb. Sure, he can banish his thoughts with books until the tiredness becomes too much, but not every night. Snuffling goblin snores and the purrs of his cat have been his lullaby then, just loud enough to smother the crackle of flames. 

But even that is gone. 

He would never begrudge Nott time with her family, not in the slightest—especially now they are finally back together—but with only the soft rumble of Frumpkin by his head, sleep seems a million miles away. In the dark, Caleb's past creeps on the edges of his mind and he unconsciously rubs at the wrappings that cover him from wrist to elbow. He can feel his breath speeding, that familiar knot in his chest clenching vice-like around his lungs and bringing a wave of nausea with it. 

Digging his fingers into Frumpkin's fur, Caleb hears a soft _mrrp?_. He can feel the magic pulsing beneath soft fur and it grounds him briefly, bringing him back to the empty room of the inn and away from Rexxentrum. 

Breath leaving him in a shaky sigh, Caleb swings himself to sit on the edge of the bed, shoving the lank strands of his hair away from his face. No sound comes from the common room downstairs, and no wonder: it feels like a lifetime has passed since the Nein has had a chance to rest. He is exhausted, but still it seems that sleep won't come. Placing a hand on his books, Caleb closes his eyes and draws a deep breath. His feet hit the cool, polished wood of the floor and he lurches upright; sleep feels a lost cause at this point.

Caleb paces, walls pressing in around him as he unwinds the silver thread that lines the perimeter. He needs air, more than this tiny room can hold. 

Frumpkin follows his movements with a questioning meow and Caleb shakes his head. 

“I'm not going far. You can stay here if you want.” 

There is a soft thump as Frumpkin lands on the floor, trotting over to wind around Caleb's ankles, purrs resonating through him. 

“ _Ja_ , okay.” A brief smile twitches at the corner of Caleb's lips. He hesitates a moment before slipping his boots on and strapping his books in their usual place. Aside from those he wears only his undershirt and trousers, every other layer dropped—probably a very unwise idea—but Caleb is just too tired to care.

The stairs creak beneath his feet, unnaturally loud in the still night air and Caleb frowns, hoping he won't wake anyone. The roaring fire of the common room has dimmed to embers, lengthening the shadows around the scatter of empty tables as he creeps forward towards the warmth.

“Trouble sleeping, Mr Caleb?”

A low voice rumbles from the far corner and Caleb starts, pulling his gaze from his feet to see Caduceus, a book on the table in front of him and a tired smile on his lips. 

“Yeah, me, too,” he says before Caleb can open his mouth. “Join me?” Caduceus pats a spot on the bench next to him. “I have tea if you'd like some?” 

“ _Ja,_ ” Caleb says, with a nod, taking a moment to glance over Caduceus; unarmoured, like himself, the glow of his staff weaving through the fall of his hair in a shimmer of pastel light. “I didn't mean to disturb your reading.” 

“Oh, it's fine.” Caduceus smiles again and waves a dismissive hand. “I wasn't getting very far with it.” The faintest flush of pink colours the tips of his ears, visible beneath the fine layer of grey fuzz as Caleb approaches. “I'm really not the best reader.” 

Leaning in as he slides onto the bench, Caleb glances over the page. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Oh you don't need to do that.” Fragrant curls of steam rise as Caduceus pours out a cup, sliding it over before carefully pulling the book back towards him. “I just really wanna get through it; I think it might help my home.”

Caleb takes a sip, noticing the way Caduceus’ ears droop at the mention of home. “You miss it,” he says, cradling the cup in both hands, letting the warmth spread through him. 

“Yeah.” Caduceus takes a sip of his own tea, gaze not leaving the book. One large finger slowly traces over the words and Caleb can see the movement of his lips as he reads. He slides a little closer, scanning over the page to refamiliarise himself with the book's contents. Another glance at Caduceus shows a faint frown between his brows and Caleb gulps down more tea, searching for something to say that might help. He's not good at this. 

“This tea is very good,” Caleb says with a wince at his own awkwardness, “it is from your home?” 

“The Mittenwalds,” Caduceus says, a slow smile spreading across his face, “Zemnian, actually, but they were brought to the Grove.” He pushes his hair back with one hand. “Very soothing, calming, people.” His voice lowers to a murmur that Caleb barely hears. “Must be a Zemnian thing.”

Caleb allows himself to smile and breathes deep. The soft floral fragrance of the tea fills his nostrils as well as the fresh petrichor scent of wet moss that comes from Caduceus himself. He is warmer now, despite their distance from the dying embers of the fire. Something soft touches his knee; the trailing length of Caduceus’ sleeve as he reaches for his cup. It is light as spider silk, flowing like water over Caleb’s lap and sending the slightest shiver up his spine. He doesn't move, though. He is comfortable here. 

The need to speak seems to have passed and Caleb finds himself unconsciously leaning closer, transfixed by the path of Caduceus’ finger over the page, his mind comfortably blank. They sit in companionable silence, sipping their tea until Caduceus softly clears his throat, “Um, Mr Caleb? I'm having a little trouble with this word. Can you help me?” 

“Hmm? _Ja_ , okay. May I see?” 

Caduceus scoots closer, pulling the book over. His thigh presses hard against Caleb's own as he leans in, underlining a word with his finger. “This one here.”

Glancing up, Caleb can see the crease between Caduceus’ brows, the way his lips curl around the letters, mouthing them to himself. “ _P—peh—pah?_ Nope.”

Placing his own hand on the page, Caleb's hand brushes the velvet-softness of Caduceus skin as he points at the offending word. “These two together make an ‘f’ sound. Look, there's another one there.” 

Caduceus nods, hair falling into his face and Caleb feels the sudden urge to brush it away, find out if the fuzz on Caduceus’ ears is as soft as that on his hands. He shakes his head in a vain attempt to clear that errant thought, focusing instead on Caduceus halting voice.

“Phos...pho…rus? Hey, I've heard that word!” Caduceus visibly brightens, straightening from the page, eyes shining as they meet Caleb's own. “It has something to do with fire?” 

Feeling the corner of his mouth quirk into a smile, Caleb nods. “Yes, it does. It can be used to summon fire elementals,” he says, “although I'd ask Nott or Yeza if you want to get into all its alchemical uses.”

To Caleb's surprise, he feels Caduceus’ hand land on his shoulder, rubbing in a warm circle. “You miss her, don’t you? Is that why you can’t sleep?” 

Brows sliding together, Caleb opens his mouth to protest. “I—” 

He is stopped by Caduceus’ arm slipping around his shoulder, pulling him into a gentle hug. “That's okay, you know.” 

Caleb’s breath leaves him in a sigh, words slipping out unbidden. “For so long it was just the two of us. It’s...uncomfortable, not having her around.” He rubs his hand over the rough stubble on his chin. “Of course I am happy that her husband is back and her son is safe, of course I am. It’s just…” He leans into the hug, letting his eyes close. “She has her family back, she doesn’t need a stinky wizard trailing around.”

Caduceus voice is a soft rumble, as soothing as the circles he traces over Caleb’s shoulder. “I think at this point we _all_ need each other, one way or another.” He gives a gentle squeeze. “Nott cares about you, we all do.” 

A tremor of uncertainty runs through Caleb; that swift and cold clarity that speaks with his own voice.

_You don’t deserve this._

With a wince, Caleb squeezes tight on his cup, downing the last of his tea in a single gulp. He wants to tear himself away from the table, away from the warmth and comfort, the support of Caduceus’ arm around him. He doesn’t deserve this.

“So how about this word, bi...o...lumin...es...cent?”

Caduceus’ voice cuts through the numbing mist that has settled upon Caleb’s mind, bringing him back to the present. He blinks back the flickering flames of the past and turns his gaze back towards Caduceus’ patient smile.

“Um, ‘bio’ is natural things, and ‘lumin’ means light, ” Caleb says. He can’t help but notice Caduceus’ arm is still around his shoulders, one large hand smoothing up and down his arm in slow sweeps, keeping him fixed in the present. 

“Oh, like cave mushrooms?”

“ _Ja_ , like the mushrooms.” Caleb's fingers tighten on the cup as Caduceus wordlessly refills it. “ _Danke_ ,” he says, breathing deep, trying to wrestle himself from the tangles of his own mind, glad for the solid presence of Caduceus beside him. “Thank you,” he repeats. 

“Oh it's nothing, I always have tea.” Caduceus says, gaze still fixed on the book in front of him. “It's the least I can do,” he glances down, lips curving in a gentle smile, “I really appreciate your help with this, Caleb.” 

“Any time, Mr Clay.” Caleb's mouth twitches up in a brief ghost of a smile, a tiny action that serves to make Caduceus’ smile wider, little creases appearing around the sides of his eyes. It doesn't silence the voice in Caleb's head, but it does dampen it to barely a whisper. He can feel heat rising to his cheeks, completely unbidden under Caduceus scrutiny. His eyes are still fixed on Caleb's own, holding his gaze just long enough to set _something_ bubbling beneath Caleb's skin. Clearing his throat, he turns his eyes back to the page, quickly scanning for the most unusual word he can find. “Shall we, ah, give this one a go?” 

“Sure.” Caduceus’ hand lands by Caleb's own to trace beneath the letters, the soft grey fuzz of his skin brushing over Caleb’s knuckles and sending the smallest of shivers down his spine. He leans in, just a little, feeling the reverberation of Caduceus’ words. “Asp—no wait, there’s an ‘h’ in there. _As...pho...del_ , asphodel, I know that one, too! I grow them at home.” Caduceus beams at Caleb, who smiles back, a ripple of pride running through him.

“I’m sure they are very beautiful.” He brushes his hair back from his face and out of his eyes before his vision is suddenly obscured in a blur of pink and grey.

Soft lips brush against his, hesitant and clumsy, the flavour of tea returning in a whisper of warm breath. Caduceus’ hand tightens on his shoulder and Caleb blinks, all thoughts wiped from his mind by the burst of surprise that bubbles in his chest.

Caduceus pulls back, his eyes wide, his expression making it clear that he is just as surprised as Caleb. He pulls his arm from around Caleb’s shoulders, sitting bolt upright, a flush clearly visible to the very tips of his ears.

“I— um, _ja_ , okay…” Caleb says, unable to process anything more than the sensation of Caduceus’ lips, the faint floral taste, the sudden burning desire for more.

“I’m sorry, I should— I just—” 

Caleb reaches up, cupping at Caduceus’ cheek, feeling the slight scruff of beard as he draws him in to press their lips together once more. It has been a long time since Caleb has kissed anyone, but the soft gasp of surprise that Caduceus lets out is enough to reassure him that it is going okay. Large hands grip tight on his back, Caduceus’ arms wrapping around him, smothering Caleb in warmth and comfort, pulling him even closer.

Confidence growing, Caleb parts his lips and feels Caduceus respond in kind, following his lead, his fingers clutching at the fabric of Caleb’s shirt. He sighs softly, breath mingling with Caleb’s own. Stroking his thumb along the line of Caduceus’ jaw, Caleb takes a moment to appreciate the velvet softness covering his skin before slowly trailing downwards.

For once Caleb’s mind is blissfully silent, his only focus is the mouth against his own and the delicate arch of collarbones beneath his fingertips. He can feel one large hand cupping tentatively at his face and leans into the touch, sagging slightly as his body relaxes for what feels like the first time in a lifetime. He opens his mouth a little wider, winding his arms around Caduceus’ neck and daring to slip his tongue out, flicking at the crease of Caduceus’ lips.

Caleb is rewarded with another soft gasp and he drinks it in, a spark of heat flaring to life within him when he feels Caduceus tongue nudge tentatively at his own. The flavour of the tea returns, combined with the far more intoxicating taste of Caduceus himself. Caleb curls his toes within his half-tied boots, a small noise that isn’t quite a moan unexpectedly rising from his chest. He could lose himself in these sensations forever.

Eventually, though, they part and Caleb watches through half-lidded eyes as Caduceus brings his fingers to his own lips, ears twitching, a look of wonderment on his face.

“Wow, that was...that was really nice.” Caduceus blinks, his voice somewhat breathless. “Yeah...wow.”

“Indeed,” Caleb agrees with a slow nod. He meets Caduceus’ gaze, returning the soft, slightly-dazed smile he is given. “I, um…yeah.”

Words seem to have left him so Caleb simply settles back, feeling Caduceus’ arm slide back around his shoulders. He smiles to himself as Caduceus pulls the book back towards them, returning to the exact place they left off.

The last embers of the fire are dying out like stars before the dawn, but Caleb is warm. He places a hand on Caduceus’ knee and glances up to see him smile. The common room is still empty, the night is still long, but for now, Caleb’s mind is silent.

**Author's Note:**

> Well this ship just jumped up and slammed me over the head, so here we go. Depending on inspiration there may be a sequel or two, we'll see :D


End file.
